Forty-one years ago, I went to an event that altered my life forever.
I went to my first (and, so far, my only) Super Bowl.
I am a Super Bowl historian. I can tell you anything you ever wanted to know (or didn't want to know, or didn't really care to know but you have to sit there and listen to me anyway because you're too polite to smack me in the left ear) about the first 54 Super Bowls. Anything at all. Who won. What the score was. Who the coaches were. Who rushed for more yards. Who scored first. Who had the biggest shoe size.*
I believe this obsession began when I was a wee little Legend, when my parents surprised me with tickets to Super Bowl XIV. We lived in Orange County, California, and the Super Bowl was at the Rose Bowl that year which, according to Google Maps, is about 43 miles away. Here in Ohio, that's about 45 minutes away. In California, it takes about 27 hours.
Me and my dad near the stadium. Notice the sad look on my face as I'm forced to wear L.A. Rams clothes.
We picked up the tickets that morning from our friends in Pasadena, then headed for the stadium. We parked approximately 356 miles away from the stadium and headed for the entrance. The giant marquee on the stadium reading "Rose Bowl" greeted us as we walked across the parking lot. There were plenty of vendors, all of them selling Rams merch, Steelers merch, programs, and food. Looking back, I remember everybody selling Pepsi, which is odd because the NFL has had Coke as its official soft drink since the late Cretaceous period.
As we waited to get in the stadium, we met a trio of Steeler fans carrying a giant banner that read "4-Time World Champions". They said they were going to display it in the endzone after the Steelers won. My mom leaned down to me and said, louder than she meant to, "They won't really allow them on the field."
Let's fast-forward to this weekend for a sec. Super Bowl LV is supposed to have around 30,000 fans. To control them, the NFL will provide around 500,000 security guards**. No fan is going to so much as sniff the grass seeds from the field without 30-40 cops tackling them, and that includes the groundskeeper. But, my story takes place 40 years ago, and I don't recall seeing a single police officer in the entire stadium. So, when my mom said they weren't going to allow those fans on the field, the "they" she referred to must have been "the ball boys."
We walked in the stadium like cattle, shoulder to shoulder, and had to wait as Cheryl Ladd was finishing the National Anthem. Cheryl Ladd was a big deal at the time as one of the stars of the TV show Charlie's Angels. In fact, the show was such a big hit that it was canceled weeks after her Super Bowl performance. No truth to the rumor that Ladd was a last-second replacement for Farrah Fawcett.***
We sat behind the Rams' endzone, about two-thirds up the bleachers, just to the left of the goal post. When you talk about a bowl-shaped stadium, there really are no bad seats. But, the Rose Bowl was so huge, we needed oxygen masks. I had to keep my drink by my feet to stop Bob Uecker from drinking it.***
He missed the tag! HE MISSED THE TAG!***
I remember little about the game itself. I know Terry Bradshaw had two first downs using QB sneaks. I know Rams RB Wendell Tyler got hurt about 15 times. I vividly remember the halftime show, featuring the legendary dancing and singing group Up With People.
Up With People, if you don't remember (and I'm sure something in your brain has permanently blocked that memory, probably for your own sanity) is a group consisting of hundreds of teenagers performing a medley of dated songs and dance routines designed to get your feet moving, usually toward the exits. I used the word "is" because, believe it or not, Up With People is still a thing. They still do performances around the world, though mostly in countries such as Sweden and Zambia, where no one has ever heard of Bruno Mars.
Or fashion sense.
Seriously. Go to the You-tubes and search for Up With People Halftime. Then thank me for helping you lose your appetite.
Anyway, after the 75-minute halftime show, the Steelers pulled away. I can say I witnessed the final championship for the legendary Steel Curtain. More than that, I witnessed the apex of the career of Vince Ferragamo, who went on years later to buy the house I lived in as a kid in Orange County.****
As we left the stadium, dejected, we walked to the parking lot. And walked. And walked. And walked some more.
We lost the car.
We finally got back home around 3 a.m. As I lay on the couch, feeling physically sick for some reason, I watched a late night news report showing highlights of the game, and in the end, during a shot of the crowd that had gathered on the field to celebrate, there were those three Steeler fans with their banner, just as they promised. It was then, in my parents' infinite wisdom, that they realized that, throughout the entire day, they had forgotten to get me anything to eat or drink all day.
Enjoy Sunday's game. Or watch more Up With People, followed by a Charlie's Angels marathon.
Follow Bill on the Twitter @WildLegend and win free Super Bowl tickets. But you have to be lucky. And find a contest giving away Super Bowl tickets.
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*--DeForest Buckner, San Francisco, Super Bowl LIV, size 22eee.
**--I may be exaggerating.
***--If you get that, you're officially old.
****--Seriously.
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