Sunday for me is, like so many other American men of the male gender, Football day.
The NFL season doesn't start for two weeks. So, as I sat on my plush recliner (a.k.a. my "throne") and wielded the mighty scepter of male power (a.k.a. the Roku remote) I had choices to make. After a thorough search, I came up with the following:
- Preseason NFL (49ers and somebody)
- Canadian football (Calgary somebodies and Winnipeg Cold Shoulders)
- Curling (in August?!?)
- Championship Cornhole. (Huh huh huh, huh huh huh.)
- High school football
Boy, was I wrong.
I had no idea that Bishop Sycamore was not up to the caliber of IMG. I also had no idea I was about to embark on a mystery so epic I should have enlisted the help of a stoned beatnik and his talking Great Dane.
For starters, IMG Academy led 30-0 early in the second quarter. At that point, the ESPN announcers began to question whether Bishop Sycamore belonged on the same field as IMG (they waited until then?) They said things like "This is dangerous for these kids" and "They (Sycamore) didn't show up on our database."
Let's analyze that last statement for a second.
ESPN agreed to broadcast this game. They agreed to show it despite knowing nothing about one of the teams. Apparently they did "research" on Bishop Sycamore which, I guess, consisted of asking a few people hanging around the Hall of Fame if they knew any of the players. Someone told them that there are "a lot of D-I prospects" on the team. I'm not kidding -- ESPN based the broadcast entirely on one person telling them that.
Their research definitely didn't consist of anything as strenuous as a Google search, which would have revealed a lot more. It would have pulled off the rubber ghost monster zombie mask to reveal it was really Old Man Jenkins all along.
Bishop Sycamore, it seems, is only in its third season in existence. Its third season ever. The Centurions (admittedly a pretty cool name) played only two games against OHSAA opponents in 2019, They played six games last season, going 0-6 and scoring more than 8 points just once. Their first two games this season were losses as well, with their more recent game against some school called Sto-Rox in Pennsylvania on Friday.
That's right. Two days before they played IMG.
Now, to be fair to IMG Academy, they only booked this game to fill out their schedule. Adding a cupcake early in the season is fine for big-time programs. Ohio State does this against Florida International, or Alabama against Troy State, or Purdue against the Cincinnati Bengals.
Bishop Sycamore is an online charter school. However, there's no physical address. Not the school, anyway. There's a P.O. Box. A deeper search utilizing other legal (promise!) searches revealed an address on Chiller Lane in Columbus, near Easton Town Center. Using Google Maps, here's the actual building:
ESPN admitted they didn't book the game for their network. They used some group called Paragon Marketing Group, which says on its website it "creates remarkable journeys." Apparently that includes trips to nondescript buildings near Easton.
When ESPN issued its statement essentially apologizing for the game, people responded with further concerns. Specifically, some of the players played both games over the weekend. But it's okay, because some players on the roster (good luck finding one) are over the high school legal limit of 19 years old.
The school's official contact is Andre Peterson, whose son plays quarterback. At least in one of the games. Maybe both. Or perhaps he sat out one of the games to enjoy a beer.
Their head coach held a press conference Monday which, according to USA Today, lasted over 90 minutes -- not bad for a high school team that hasn't won in two years. He basically defended his "school" as best as he could before he ended everything by yelling "and I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling kids."
Maybe I should have stuck with Championship Cornhole.
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