With all the news coming out of Washington, there's a lot of reason to feel sad, angry, you name it. But, there was one piece of news that got buried. It's news that is exeedingly rare in today's world. It's news that should, in fact, draw us all into celebration.
PBS did it. Finally. They canceled Caillou.
For those of you who don't know who Caillou is -- and if that's the case then I can only assume you are either 1) not a parent or 2) incredibly luckier than me -- Caillou is the titular character of a cartoon that lasted, as far as anyone can tell, since the Renaissance.
Caillou is, to put it simply, a four-year-old brat. No, he's more than that. He's a whiny four-year-old brat. No, even more: he's the deepest terror in your darkest drunken nightmares. Listening to him talk is about as fun as getting brain freeze from eating scoops of ground beef flavored ice cream.
Caillou whines when he doesn't get his way. He whines when he does get his way. He whines at his baby sister. He whines at his mom. He whines at his cat. He lives in a world where everyone wears clothes that are strictly pastel. The walls in his house don't join, they just sort of end. Half of the time, there is no background at all. The show is narrated by Caillou's grandmother for some reason, who happens to sound just like Mrs. Butterworth.
Caillou has no hair. I would explain why, but I think urbandictionary.com does a better job than I ever can:
"The most famous urban legend about Caillou states that he is bald because he has cancer. However, that is not true. Caillou is bald, not because he has cancer or progeria, but because he sucks. Even his own body recognizes that he doesn't deserve hair, or food, or love."
PBS must have realized that this would be a big announcement. The network put up a video showing how parents can break the bad news to their kids. I would suggest explaining it to them while watching one of the many episodes all-too-available on streaming channels literally everywhere. Then, when the kids begin jumping up and down and squealing with joy, dump a bowl of ground beef flavored ice cream on their heads.
ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! Earlier today I heard what might just be the two biggest lies of all time, both were told within hours of each other. I need your help to decide just which whopper was bigger:
Lie the First -- The guy who was photographed lounging in Nancy Pelosi's office was seen leaving the room with an envelope. He claimed in an interview that, after he propped his legs on her desk, he noticed one leg was bleeding. He said some of the blood got on the envelope on her desk, so he removed it for her. But, he said, he left a quarter on her desk because, and this is an exact quote, "I'm no thief."
Lie the Second -- Bill Hancock, director of the College Football Playoff, admitted that the Committee is looking into expanding the playoffs from four teams to eight. He said there are no plans to make any changes right away, but they are always looking to the future. And (here it is) if they do expand, "it will not be because of money."
Leave your vote in the comments. Best comment gets something cool from me. If I can find a way to send ice cream through the mail.
Yay for no more Caillou!
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