We welcome the new year, we ring out the old year, blah blah blah.
I hope everyone's new year has been better than any and all of 2020 so far. I want to start with a few predictions for the new year. Keep in mind, my predictions aren't what I think will happen -- they're what I hope will happen.
January: Hours before their first playoff game in 18 years, the Cleveland Browns announce that they have to take the field without their head coach, who has Covid-19. Urban Meyer accepts $12 million to coach the team for one game.
February: The Cleveland Browns manage to reach the Super Bowl, doing the most Cleveland Browns thing possible by finally reaching the Super Bowl in a year when no fans are allowed.
March: Johnny Manziel plays his first game with the Fan Controlled Football league. He gets suspicious when a bunch of logged-in Browns fans keep calling quarterback sneaks.
April: Tim Tebow becomes the latest athlete to play in both the NFL and Major League Baseball. He immediately retires from baseball and announces he will participate in the Kentucky Derby. Tebow will be ridden by jockey Tyler Gaffalione.
May: The Brooklyn Nets sign free agent fan Spike Lee.
June: Inspired by NASCAR's virtual races and the Madden 21 Pro Bowl, the XFL announces it will play its entire season on Tecmo Bowl.
July: The 2020 Summer Olympics begin a year late. The Olympic Committee will certainly have to make this up by buying us flowers and a box of chocolates.
August: Mike Tyson and Roy Jones Jr. fight their rematch. The judges declare another draw after both fighters stop the fight early to take a nap.
September: The NFL season begins. Fans are finally allowed to fill the stadium. Except for the L.A. Chargers, because they have no fans.
October: The San Diego Padres finally return to the World Series. Blake Snell digs into the mound with his cleats and grabs the pitching rubber for dear life every time the manager steps out of the dugout.
November: During their annual Thanksgiving game broadcast, Joe Buck is called back to his home planet.
December: Johnny Manziel and Mike Tyson compete in the Preakness. Spike Lee signs with the San Diego Padres. Joe Buck returns to Earth with flowers. The Chargers become the first team to fail to sell out the Super Bowl.
URBAN MEYER TO THE JAGS? The rumor mill here in the good ol' O-H-I-O is that former Ohio State legend Urban Meyer wants $12 million to coach the Jaguars. If this happens, Trevor Lawrence still be the #1 pick, or will it be the guy Meyer recruited to OSU, Justin Fields? If so, I suddenly like the Jags' chances they'll be picking #1 next year too.
WHO'S NEXT? Goldberg returned to the Legends episode of Raw on Monday and challenged Drew McIntyre for the WWE title at their next pay-per-view. First of all, who still gets pay-per-views? Isn't anyone who is even remotely interested in wrestling already subscribing to the WWE network? They get all PPVs for free. Who the heck's paying for these PPVs?
Second, they reportedly lined up this match because they had no opponent ready for McIntyre. So that's their solution: grab a "legend" and throw him into the main event. Imagine if other sports did this? Usain Bolt lines up for the 100-meter world championship and striding up next to him is... Carl Lewis!
NHL SELLS NAMING RIGHTS TO DIVISIONS: Scotia, Honda, Discover and MassMutual are the names of the made-up divisions for the 2021 season. The NHL refuses to say if this is a one-time deal. Imagine what next year might be like: the Depends Division, the Viagra Division (the biggest rise in the standings, natch!), the Dr. Scholl's Odor Eaters Division, and the Preparation-H Division.
Follow me on Twitter @WildLegend and help me collect enough money to bid on a division name.
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